I just had the most awful dream. I had spent the night at a farmhouse somewhere and it was a very large place with room for a family with about 12 kids… I had the impression I was staying there out of some sense of obligation rather than my actually wanting to be there. Anyway it was morning and I was walking outside the place and I was wearing very daggy clothes – things I dont own – when Mr K rang me on my mobile phone and he sounded really cold and distant. He was telling me that he was going to go take a job a long way away and he didn’t want to discuss it as he had made up his mind. When I started to protest I could hear a woman on the phone in the background laughing at me and I realised he had me on speaker. It felt like I was speaking to Mr K like he was last year when he was saying he wasn’t sure if we should stay married… like I was talking to a stranger who I hardly knew, he was diffident and not moved by anything I had to say on my or Angels behalf to convince him not to move.. and all the while this woman was laughing at me in the background. I had the feeling that I knew who the woman was and that she had been around for a while, but I don’t know what her name was. Eventually it got to the point where she was saying that she was going to ‘have’ Mr K now and that I would just have to forget about him because he didn’t want me anymore.
At the end of the dream I had walked into the house where all the kids were and I was pleading with Mr K to reconsider and as I walked through the house, all these little children were trying to grab at me not to leave. I walked into one room of the house and it was a shop and I was surrounded by strange women who were staring at me because I was crying and all I could hear was the woman taunting and laughing on the phone and Mr K wouldn’t say anything no matter how much I tried to get him to respond. I wanted to leave the house/shop and straight away drive to Mr K’s work even though I was supposed to be going to uni (???), but I didn’t have any way to leave.
And then I woke up. And came straight here to write it down. And I feel awful from it…. and Mr K isn’t here to hug me.