I got a phone call today from the IVF clinic about an outstanding account for the embryos I have in storage – there are 10 of them. And i realised it has been a full year since I stopped doing IVF. I’ve never had a problem with the idea of getting older, in fact it’s always been a big joke – the whole I’ll turn 30 eventually thing. But that phone call has forced me to acknowledge that I am getting older, and as such, IVF becomes hard with more impossible odds – even if Mr K was in. Soon I have to make a decision – do I keep the embryos or not? It seems totally impossible that I could use them given the current state of things, but the idea of getting rid of them is abhorrent to me.
I’ve been thinking about it all day now – just because of that one phone call. I am getting older, and the likelihood of ever having another child is pretty much non-existent… is there any point in keeping the embryos in storage any longer? But if i donate them to another couple – how would I feel if they managed to have MY child? It doesn’t bear thinking about. And the idea of ‘disposing’ of them is even more unappealing.
I thought I was getting more comfortable with not pursing IVF any more, but I think I’ve just been pushing it to the back of my mind under the weight of other concerns like my Dad, and MrK.