Fireman …..grrrr….

Posted on November 17, 2006 by borysSNORC

Master Angel has been jumping about the house for the last few months saying he wants to be a fireman, sometimes he asks me if he can be a fireman – like I can give him permission to do so! 🙂 It’s very cute. But whenever he brings it up, I find myself thinking about Edouardo, and I end up feeling frustrated and annoyed that I haven’t been able to talk to him. It’s been nearly 12 months since his insecure and psychotic wife demanded that he break off his friendship of 20 YEARS with me and I’ve not heard from him since. I have done the right thing and avoiding soliciting contact with him, as I have no wish to stir up trouble within his marriage, but I find it very hard that I’ve been denied even phone contact with one of my oldest and dearest friends due to his wife’s baseless insecurity.

I accidentally called him back in March (my phone highlighted the wrong contact) but that was the last time we spoke. I dont know what to do about it but I am becoming increasingly unhappy with the situation and approaching the point where I have to do something to try and rectify the problem – but what?

Dad

Posted on November 16, 2006 by borysSNORC

Things on the family front have been really ordinary for the last few months. I have avoided writing about it here, as I have no desire to dwell on it (unlike my self indulgent IVF depression when I started this journal). My Dad is, as expected, in a really bad way. He has some bipap machine thing to use at night to assist him with his breathing, and has now lost his voice entirely. I wish to God they had invested more time and energy on figuring out the best way to communicate with him before now, but I guess in some ways, Mum and Dad (and us too I guess) were trying to deny the eventuality of his condition. Mum has developed this terrible habit of leaving when any of us come to visit – like running up to the shops to the pharmacy or something. Which really sucks, cos being with Dad alone and no one to talk to ‘around him’ is extremely difficult. Makes you not want to go visit – and then I feel extremely guilty for not wanting to go visit. The whole thing is absolyte shite and so stressful that I just wish it were over already. I am exhausted with crying about it, and seem to find myself crying about it nearly every day at some point.

ciao bella

Posted on November 16, 2006 by borysSNORC

Funk Part II

Posted on November 15, 2006 by borysSNORC

I have been in an annoying funk for most of the day. Felt like nothing was going to please me today and every little thing was going to piss me off. Why… I bet not even new bottle of nail polish would’ve made a dent in my shitty mood today!

When ‘lo and behold – a fortuitous thunderstorm started rumbling about in the West! Just what I needed! 🙂 I grabbed some old clothes, and decided to gout out for a walk in it. It was absolutely pouring down bucketloads, and the rain was freezing cold to boot. I love the feeling of just standing out in the rain, looking up at the sky with my eyes closed and feeling big rain drops falling on my face. When I was a kid, we used to get caught in the summer thunderstorms on our way home from school all the time. Seems like we had those really humid days that ended in a cooling storm more days than not back then. So now whenever I go walking in a storm, it makes me feel like a kid again. And remarkably, it feels you can just forget all your stresses and bullshit as you get soaked to the bone! 🙂

I stayed out side until I was saturated, and could feel myself getting all goosebumped from the cold rain even though the air temperature was probably still close to 30 degrees! Turned out to be good timing, as it started to hail heavily just after I came back inside. Wandering around in a thunderstorm may not be the safest thing to do but it seems to be strangely therapeutic – well I find it so!

Stage 2 – warm dry clothes and a cuppa!

I feel so much better now! 🙂

Funk Part I

Posted on November 15, 2006 by borysSNORC

I have been in an absolute funk since last night. Can’t stand feeling like this and loathe as I am to admit it, it’s cos my Dinner Monkey is buggering off again. MD’s one of my closest friends and as if Ocean Grove weren’t far enough away, now he’s leaving the country. I’ve been down to visit four times this year, we also got to hang out quite a bit at Festival, and he’s been up here for work, so it has been like not much changed since he left TBA. All year we’ve been in the habit of catching up by phone week or so, and it isn’t unusual for us to end up chatting for two or three hours in a sitting! He’ll often call me in the middle of the night when he’s drunk (always funny) or lonely or bored. And I usually call him when the house is empty and I’ve time for a cuppa and a chat. But now – call costs will be prohibitive ($41.00/half hour) so I don’t anticipate we’ll be in touch as much over the next year while he’s away 😐 There aren’t many people in my life who I can talk to the way I can talk to MD, and I am really going to miss him.

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if he will get used to MSN after all – or finally get his act together and actually USE the Skype that he’s had installed for about two years now! Gotta shake this off though – hate that feeling of ‘blah’ – it’s very similar to how uncomfortable I feel about the Edouardo situation.