I went to see my Dad this afternoon, and he started to lecture me too. I can’t get away from it. I think they must have had a meeting, “well, we can see she is coming apart at the seams, so how about we all help it along a bit”. Coming from Dad, it is even harder to take. Here he is, dying of MND, and outwardly at least, he seems totally at peace with his situation. He has accepted it, sees no point in fighting the situation, has resigned himself to what is inevitable. If he can accept his own tragic hand, why can’t I just accept mine? I feel like my head is exploding, and I can’t verbalise any of this to anyone, even Hubby only gets a smattering of it.
Maybe they are all right. I should just forget about it! I should accept things they way they are! I should learn to be happy with what I’ve got! I am curious to know what makes my family think that in saying these things they are being helpful? or supportive? If one more person feels they have the right to offer unsolicited advice on how it would be better for me to become accustomed to my situation, I am going to jump in my goddamn car and just leave.
I just want to feel happy for a while
I want to stop crying at the drop of a hat
I would like for something good to happen for all of us – anything
I dont want to feel ‘less than’ a woman anymore
I desperately want to have some fun and forget about all this bullshit for even a little while
Is that too much to ask?
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