negative again

My test wasn’t due until the end of the week, but nevermind, it is all done now. It doesn’t get any better than this – 3 really good looking blastocysts, and Dr IVF gave me truckloads of progesterone. I am so sick of this! I am sick and tired of feeling out of control, tired of taking all these drugs that make me feel like shit and I am really totally over the horrible feeling of disappointment that come with each negative test. I am tired of crying all the damn time – I just want something good to happen.

Why is it so easy for most women? How come I have to go through all this shit? It’s so unfair. I dont usually let myself think like this as I dont think it benefits anyone, but I can’t stand it any more! I can’t think straight and I feel like such a failure.

What am I going to do? I know I said I was going to take a break from it, but now that I am faced with that, I feel like I am suffocating. If I put it aside, I am not sure I will be able to go back to it. How can I make myself content with our little family the way it is? Why can’t I just be happy with that?

Maybe it is time to move south so we can try surrogacy. Come to think of it, why isn’t fucking surrogacy legal in Queensland?

Tell me what you think