I am having a horrid week. I have been snappy and short tempered about the most insignificant things. And even though I know that it is medication making me react like this, and I feel totally powerless to control it. I have been wandering around the house all week, feeling really listless and blah, and I can’t find the energy or the motivation to get any work done. I think about the only thing keeping me sane this week has been chatting with friends on the MSN – perhaps because it is easier to maintain a facade when typing compared to real interactions.
No doubt my drug induced hormonal state is contributing to this, but lately I am feeling like continuing on IVF is like banging my head up against a brick wall. We have been doing this now for over three years to try and have a second child. As Angel gets older, it is getting harder to want to start all over again. As it stands, with over a four year age difference, I know if we were successful with the next cycle, that kids born this far apart will never have any common interests and are more likely to torment each other than to keep each other company.
I remember a quote from somewhere that said the definition of ‘Insanity’ was: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. No wonder I feel like I am losing the plot.