Dad let’s me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday. Definitely not on Monday.

Posted on May 22, 2009 by borysSNORC

No Undie Monday
This is a time honoured tradition most established amongst uni students, hippie swamp rat types and mid-level public servants who spend their weekends trying to get laid. If memory serves this common phenomena results from an inability to successful complete all one’s laundry duties on the weekend.

Tits Out Tuesday
This particular expression is a colourful colloquialism resulting from an office full of women spending their Tuesdays trying to out do each other in wearing blouses whose primary design function is to display as much cleavage as humanly possible whilst maintaning some pretense of an attempt to adhere to the office’s Code of Conduct policies. This particular expression has also spawned the concept of the "Tuesday Top". (EG – ‘Holy fuck! Check that out… it must be Tuesday!")

Welfare Wednesday
Welfare Wednesday was an expression used to explain the particularly long queues that would appear outside Commonwealth Banks on Wednesday mornings as all the pensioners lined up with their savings account PASSBOOKS to go into the tellers and withdraw their pension money. This expression has diminished in use somewhat over the years with the introduction of ATMs and the change in process that has seen Centrelink take to giving out benefits on every day of the week – a move which was no doubt largely precipitated by the major banks compaining of being over run with the old bitties every Wednesday.

Man Love Thursday
A geographically local expression used to describe the public displays of affection between men seen in various extremely conservative societies where physical affection between a man and a women is frowned upon. For example – in Pakistan one never sees a physical expression of fondness or affection between a man and a women… but it is common to see men lounging close together, sitting on one another’s laps, walking hand in hand with other men or greeting one another with kisses.

and now we have –

Fatality Free Friday
This is a new one to enter the vocabulary and this author had never heard of it until this year where it was plastered on billboards all over town. The concept being that people will on this day the 22nd of May 2009 take a pledge to ‘drive more safely today’ than on any other day to promote driver awareness and road safety…. but really, let’s be honest… they’re just tempting fate here! Fatality Free Friday my arse!!! What sort of public relations/advertising miscreant trying to justify their exhorbitant salary came up with this crap!?!?!

Needless to say that Fatality Free Friday has this little black duck holed up in her house for the entire duration as I flatly refuse to drive anywhere today. For if anyone is going to end up a road fatality statistic on ‘Fatality Free Friday’… it’ll be Borys. For She is one who has already suffered through four hideous MVAs (none of which was she at fault). It is also She who seems to constantly run afoul of BrisVegas’ worst drivers on a regular basis. She is also still prone to being hypervigilant on the road and on occasion still feels Herself fighting rising panic when encountering the overwheming bulk number of chicken fuckin’ morons out there who shouldn’t even have a license. I mean ferfucksake! Even the Parking Fairy abandoned her many years ago!!!

So… Borys and Cars do not mix…. and especially not on ‘FATALITY FUCKING FREE FRIDAY’!!!
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Pain or Flood? Pain or Flood? Umm… Can I have Cake please?

Posted on May 21, 2009 by borysSNORC

Yesterday there was loads of rain going on up here. I stopped out to take some photos of Bulimba Creek which had totally blown it’s banks. The water was up about 12-15 feet on it’s normal height and the creek instead of being a polite 5-6m wide was effectively a fast flowing lake about 40m across the lower lying areas nearby.

Meadowlands Rd Carpark towards Tingalpa.
High voltage powerlines and water…. just doesn’t look right.

Meadowlands Rd bridge over Bulimba Creek from the east side

Meadowlands Rd bridge over Bulimba Creek from the west side

But we’re pretty lucky here being on the south side and a relatively inner suburb. Most of the developments around here were put in by people who still remembered and were affected by the 1974 floods Brisbane had and the floodplain areas weren’t ever built out…. which many unlucky bastards on the northside can’t say unfortunately. I guess that’s one of the big problems with drought. The city is constantly expanding and developers are buying up spaces that weren’t previously residential and they’re building suburbs in stupidly low lying areas (Brookfield for example). Drought breaks… and ‘oh quelle surprise!’ Our houses are flooded, the roads rendered impassable and our cars swept away!!! 🙁 Sucks to be them.

Road Closures… predominantly on the Northside

My only drama yesterday was the driveway of my house building up with about 6-8 inches in water against our garage doors. We’ve been moving things around and gettnig ready to build and there was a pile of stuff in the way of where the water normally flows away after it starts running down the cul de sac and subsequently down our driveway. So I was out there in the pouring rain (with a dodgy umbrella that constantly blew inside out) trying to dig a channel/trench to redirect the water without any tools because if I opened the garage all that water would have flooded inside instead. So I had to try and shift a huge hardwood beam (not very successfully) and then dig the trench so it could go under the fence.

Result? The water drained away in about 20mins flat but I ended up with fucking freezing feet, sopping wet clothes and a night of very poor sleep, took me over ten minutes to just physically get out of bed (breathe… gotta remember to breathe) and hardly able to walk this morning after having done something that was absolutely unavoidable but also absolutely guaranteed to exacerbate my back pain.

But what do you do? Can’t just let the water keep rising?
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And that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic.

Posted on May 19, 2009 by borysSNORC

I saw this going around a couple of weeks ago on intial viewing I thought this meme was a bit redundant for me. I have a tendency to speak my mind, in fact if you take some people’s word for it… it’s pretty damn hard to shut me up on topics that I have strong opinions about.

However I have realized that there are things I should like to say to certain people in my life that thus far remain unsaid and I was reminded of an elegant quote –

"The bitterest tear shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone"
(Harriet Beecher Stowe 1811-1896).

Being so forthright, honest and outspoken as I have just claimed to be, I don’t really ever want to be in that position if you know what I mean. So I have pretty much flogged this meme from just about everyone… including Avitable, SnackiePoo and the fabulous Faiqa of Native Born fame… and I will have a go at trying to limit myself to merely 10 items.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:

1. While I know I disappointed you from time to time, I hope you were proud of me in the end.
2. Your acceptance of me as the flawed creature that I am is quite simply the most important thing in the world to me.
3. You let me down when I was at my lowest and I needed you the most which demonstrates how little you think of me and how selfish you can be.
4. It’s time to move on and make decisions for yourself based on what YOU want rather than based on what others want.
5. The way you compartmentalize your life makes it hard for people to trust you and your inability to be more open and honest hurt very deeply.
6. I don’t have time for your petty crap, I have so many problems of my own that I’m barely keeping my head above water.
7. I’ve made my own life choices and am happy with them so please spare me your sanctimonious lectures.
8. I’ve tried as hard as I can to salvage our relationship but after a decade of trying you still won’t meet me half way so I’ve given up.
9. It would be nice if once in a while you got your head out of your own arse long enough to ask me if I’m okay.
10. I hate asking for your help almost as much as I hate needing it.
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Coffee and headphones and laundry… who cares?

Posted on May 16, 2009 by borysSNORC

I’ve had this song stuck in my head for about two days now…. and it’s not going away! So I thought the best thing one can do in these situations is to share the love pain.

On a totally unrelated topic – I want to find some decent noise inhibiting/noise cancelling headphones suitable for air travel etc but am unsure which ones would suit best. Thinking of these – Sennheiser CX300 II…. but have no idea if they’re what I need. I have very little ears which I guess is weighing into the equation too 😐

And on further unrelated crap – I went and did some laundry today and in the process noticed how filthy the laundry room itself was. I know not how one can expect to clean things in a room that is in itself utterly covered in dust and yeurk. So being the little OCD freaker that I am I washed down the washing machine, dryer and sink, cleaned the shelves, washed the door and started in on the walls before being forcibly stopped. But now I feel like my eyes are falling out of my head and my back is going ‘oh-dear-god-what-the-fuck-was-she-thinking’!?!?! So not good… extra valium for me tonight.
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The not so painful truth.

Posted on May 8, 2009 by borysSNORC

I finally got around to trying out the epilator that I bought from Julie the Myer Small Appliance Nazi last week and it doesn’t work. Well no that’s not true… it does work… it just doesn’t work the way I hoped it would. As strange as this sounds it works fine and does a great job of removing hair but it’s pretty much painless which is a bit disappointing.

Now before anyone goes running off thinking I’m all masochistic let me categorically state that nothing could be further from the truth. Pain is not now (nor has it ever been) even remotely sexy, sensual or erotic for me… for obvious reasons I should imagine. However certain types of acute pain like having my legs waxed or getting tattooed is actually a relaxing distraction from the god awful chronic back pain that plagues me day in and day out and I was kinda hoping the epilator would have a similar relaxing side effect… but it don’t 🙁

I do have silky smooth soft legs though so I guess I shouldn’t complain.
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