I am the very model of an LNP Prime Minister
I’ve never had a budget measure passed however sinister;
I’ve backing of the business groups who back me most assuredly;
Especially the ones of them who lately were bankrolling me!
(Especially the ones who lately were bankrolling, rolling he,
Especially the ones who lately were bankrolling, rolling he,
Especially the ones who lately were bank rolling, bank-a-rolling he!)
I’ve scuttled manufacturing ’cause the demographics favoured me;
Encouraged our veterans to clothe and eat responsibly…
I’ve re-arranged my rhet’ric to avoid the taint of honesty;
(inhale.…)
And bought our submarines from overseas because it pleases me!
(He buys the submarines from overseas because it pleases, pleases he!)
We simply cannot compromise on issues of security
Despite the UN signatories glaring at us angrily
We need another fifty-seven jets to fight the war you see,
The war…
(The war?)
What war?…
The war against the people who are brown, and do not look like me!
I tend to ignore history, lest it be cause the black armbands be worn,
For facts of slavery, genocide and abduction can make folks forlorn,
I ignore difficult questions or I just prevaricate endlessly,
Quite sure if there’s an expert then that expert surely must be me.
Common law or common sense, be sure I will disregard these,
Which is kind compared to what I do with international rights treaties,
I know Australia’s world-renowned for being prosperous and free,
Best I do not wonder why people are looking down at me.
Best I do not wonder why Obama’s looking down at me!
Best I do not wonder why Putin’s looking down at me!
Best I do not wonder why Jinping is looking looking down at me!
Then I can scowl at journalists and say that they have not been informed,
While crapping from great height on my constituents in uniform,
In short when dealing national and international harassment,
I am the very model of a national embarrassment.
I am the very model of a national embarrassment!
I am the very model of a national embarrassment!
I am the very model of a national embarrassment!
In fact, when I know what is meant by “human rights” and “prejudice”,
When I can tell at sight a queue jumper from an exodus,
When such affairs as interviews and debating I’m more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by “Bloody thick arse-hat”
When I have learnt what is meant by intellectual commentary,
When I know more of women than a novice in a seminary,
In short, when people do not laugh at the very mention of my name.
You’ll say no better modern man has ever made a knight or dame.
You’ll say no better modern man has ever made a knight or dame!
You’ll say no better modern man has ever made a knight or dame!
You’ll say no better modern man has ever made a knight or night or dame!
For my political knowledge, though I look great in swimming trunks,
Is the kind of nonsense usually heard from retired, racist bogan drunks,
But still in matters of national and international harassment,
I am the very model of a national embarrassment!
He IS the very model of a national embarrassment!
He IS the very model of a national embarrassment!
He IS the very model of a national embarrassment!!!
(Lyrics by Ammonia Cogg and James Graewolfe)