Okay, I need to calm the fuck down a bit… I feel like I going to hyperventilate.
I have met the most lovely, and I mean truly genuinely lovely, wonderful, smart and sensible lady who has offered to surrogate for us. She is absolutely perfect. And trust me, the smart and sensible bit in the previous sentence is sooo important! (Especially after our recent surrogate offer from last month). We met for a coffee today and it felt like we had known each other for years. We were chatting away very easily and comfortably for hours – which was great because I was so worried she wouldn’t like me… women rarely do for some reason. :/
We are on the same page with all the big ticket items as far as pregnancy and surrogacy is concerned – how many embryos to be transferred, what to do if there is a sever abnormality detected, ideologies on medically necessary termination, accidental multiple birth etc., All the big hard conversations have been had and like I said, sensible and likeminded. I can’t believe our good fortune in meeting her.
I have no concerns whatsoever that this woman will make a wonderful surrogate. She lives nearby (only an hour away) which means we will be able to be very involved if we have a successful pregnancy and her motivations are good – she’s keen to do this because she has watched a friend struggle through 12 years of infertility but was never in a position to be able to offer to surrogate for her friend. And while we have gone “yes!” and are unable to believe our luck – that she chose us out of the untold number of other couples that she could have opted to help – I am seriously freaking the fuck out.
It’s my natural pessimistic state I am afraid. All I can see is ‘what ifs’ and they are all bad… so, so bad.
What if she decides to keep the baby? (under stupid Qld law, she can do that)
What if she changes her mind before we even get to transfer?
What if none of our embryos are viable after all this time?
What if she gets pregnant but has a horrible miscarriage? (I would feel responsible)
What if this whole thing sends up broke and we get nothing to show for it?
What if everything goes pear shaped and we find ourselves in court in a landmark test case, desperately attempting to gain custody of our own biological child because she can’t part with the child once it is born?
I have had nothing but bad and horrible and negative experiences surrounding IVF, and attempts at baby creation… and I can’t help but project them onto my expectations here. I know this situation is all different and has nothing to do with my traitorous body… but my mind is just not stopping with this freight train of negativity.
