Another year, another Festival
Had very low expectations of the weather and conditions this year so came equipped with woolen clothes, rubber boots, crocs (urgh) and even a Drizabone poncho big enough for two! And wouldn’t you know it… only one short lived period of rain for the entire duration! WIN!!! It’s like the time half a dozen of us went out to buy umbrellas to take to my brother-in-law’s wedding and then we didn’t get a single drop… feels like the weather gods know when you’re all prepared and just go, ‘Meh, what’s the fuckin’ point?’.
Festival 2012 has been fantastic. We had a smaller campsite than usual, but it still felt like it was overflowing with fabulous friends, food, fun and frivolity. And of course, Festival was as informative this year as it always is. With so many avid medievalists and historical research buffs in one place you can’t help but learn and absorb new and interesting tidbits. This year I learned:
- that contrary to popular belief, swans do not in fact mate for life
- that attempting to blow out an oil burner after it has been doused in water is an efficient facial hair removal technique
- that physics is gay because the balls are touching
- that ‘Que? Que? En el cisne!’ is ‘What? What? In the swan!’ in Espanyol
- that ‘C’ is for cookie or ‘C’ is for Corny depending on the fickle affiliations of the audience
- that nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape
- that ‘Ding Dong Merrily on High’ is one helluva ear worm
- that the Gekko isn’t something to try at home kiddies (refer Urban Dictionary, I’m sooo not explaining that here)
- that pretty girls can get away with nearly anything if they say to a man ‘open your mouth and try this!’
- that you can have a smack of jellyfish, and a fupa of gunts.
- that one shouldn’t stick an arse banner down one’s cleavage
- that prostitutes, call girls and sex workers are all ‘hookers’ once deceased
- that a bluish-green contact lens is not likely to be locatable in deep grass at night no matter how many people search for it
- that an Angry Pirates is a concept that evokes visual imagery requiring brain bleach
- that power spewing is only endearing the first time
- that the Artist Formerly Known as Gui is likely to remain so for a while as his new name, King You Die Buy A Tool (?) is hard to remember
- that facts are gender specific but that taints ain’t
- that poetry is not a lost art because ‘Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got a gun. Get in the van.’ speaks to all of us on some level … and…
- that one must not, under any circumstances touch Niall’s precarious pole!!!
So many pearls of wisdom to carry with us… until next year’s fun and informative festival facts are formed.