I’ve been conspicuously absent of late. No wait, conspicuously kinda implies that there’s a possibility that there’s someone out there who might have noticed my absence and maybe even missed me or been wondering where I’ve gotten to, which I guess is hightly unlikely.
But I digress (how easy we slip into old habits). I bought a lotto ticket today.
This for many people I believe is not a remarkable occasion but you see I don’t buy lotto tickets…. ever. Because I have no Parking Fairy which means the exercise of buying lotto tickets is preordained as futile so why bother.
There are some people in life who have them and some people who don’t…. Parking Fairies that is. You know the type – those who are blessed by the Parking Fairy. They drive to a ridiculously busy public function and voila! they find the perfect convenient park directly out front of where they want to be. They forget their wallet at home and fortuitously find $10 in the street with which to buy lunch. They get an unexpected large medical/automotive or household bill and some distant relative they’ve never met carks it and leaves them $6,000. Everyone knows one of _those_ people.
Well I ain’t one of them. If I need a carpark in an uber busy environment I’ll drive around for 20 minutes and eventually park miles away in disgust. If I leave my wallet at home it means I don’t get to have lunch and if I ever end up with huge unexpected bills I end up borrowing money from Peter to pay Paul. Such is life… no Parking Fairy for me! I’m used to the shit luck thing though, in amongst the four shitty car accidents, horrible chronic pain, infertility, miscarriages, blah, blah, blah, blah, (wait, that was why I stopped writing in this thing a while ago – swift change of topic required!)
Okay so no Parking Fairy leads to never buying lotto tickets…. but… I have a dream! A dream that needs lots of fucking money. So I thought why not buy a damn lotto ticket if anyone should win big bucks on Halloween it ought to Borys who has had a permanent little black cloud following her around her whole life.
So here’s the cunning plan….
1) We win lotto and we need to win big!
2) We go to place randomly selected on a map of Europe by virtue of throwing a dart.
3) We purchase a BIG FUCK OFF double decker bus
4) We gut it, have it fit out with living space for 8, dining space for 8, four double beds, bathroom, all the mod cons.
5) We hire a driver so we never have to draw straws to see who has to drive at the vineyards.
6) We hire a teacher so the Small Child can keep up by Distance Ed.
7) We drive everywhere we want, living on the bus, going to all strange and wonderful out of the way towns and visiting museums, universities, art galleries, nightclubs, toy shops whatever we want!
8) We spent lots of money flying friends over to join us on the bus… two friends coming for a couple of weeks here to tour Italy, another couple of mates coming for a few weeks there to tour Poland.
9) We make a documentary of the trip cos I’m sentimental like that
10) Maybe… maybe… we come back one day.
So that’s the cunning plan… now all we need is for Borys to get herself a Parking Fairy!
If it’s “fucking” money you need, maybe…..oh, hang on….thats not considered appropriate in today’s enlightened society. 😉
Nice pick up there… 😉 And don’t worry, this blog is R Rated for your convenience.