No drugs today, my love has gone away. The bottle stands forlorn, a symbol of the dawn…

Hhhh..okay.

Had to drive this morning so NO drugs for me last night. 
Faaaarrrkkk.  No drugs = No sleep.  None, nada, nil, zip, zilch… so get fucked Borys no sleep for you!!

Sleep?  Sleep?  We don’t need no stinking sleep!  I woke up countless times last night.  Though I’m reluctant to write that sentence as it implies I recall actually being asleep in order to be waking up repeatedly throughout the night.

I recall dreaming that I was struggling to open a plastic packet of some sort and being sufficiently awake enough to notice that my hands and forearms were all tensed up in midair and I was in fact wrestling with some invisible package while half asleep.  On another occasion I awoke thinking that I was losing my balance trying to put on my jeans and my leg was in the air and I was flailing my arms about trying to ‘steady’ myself whilst actually still recumbent in bed semi asleep.  This sort of shit happened several times… I was dreaming about something and I was ‘doing’ whatever I was dreaming about.  Weird.

I guess this is the sort of nonsense you can expect when you suddenly allow your body to dream again.  Stuff like this and massive weird arse nightmares that is.  I know the drug induced stupor that I’ve been passing off as sleep for the last 12 months seriously inhibits deep REM sleep… which means less dreaming and signicantly less movement at night than is normal which I think is why I am usually ridiculously stiff and pained on waking…. along with dopey as all hell from the medication.

So today….  Toss and turn all night.  Climb out of bed feeling really tense and sore.  Take Small Child to school.  Go to Carindale to try and finish Christmas shopping that feels like it’s hanging over my head.  Wander around banks, shops etc… have better luck getting what I need today compared to last week’s shopping disaster which means I didn’t reduce any customer service staff to tears for a change.  Still spent most of the day walking around with my neck going crunch, crunch, crunch every step, sipping on a bottle of water to stop the gagging/nausea caused by the crunching, holding my breath against the pain if i got stuck standing still for more than two mins together and generally being in tons of pain and out at the shops much longer than I had planned.  Pick up Small Child after school, come home and collapse in useless heap in front of recently aquired DVD copy of Paris, J’taime with heat pack and tea.

Worst of all… can’t take any drugs again tonight either…. here’s hoping I don’t crack any teeth this week    🙁
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