There comes a time as a parent where you need to make certain decisions to protect your own sanity. In truth we don’t want to let the offspring down and we don’t want them to feel like subjects of indifferent parenting… but there are some things soooo unappealing and tedious in our eyes that we simply must act in order to preserve what little remains of our own dwindling mental capacities.
Small Child: Mum we’re doing Carols by Candelight – are you going to come?
Mum: I don’t know Sweetie. Why don’t you go ask your Dad if he likes Christmas.
Small Child: Da-a-ad! Do you like Christmas?
Dad: Do I? I love Christmas!!!
Small Child: Yay! We’re having Carols by Candlelight at school are you going to come?
Dad: Sure thing kiddo 😐
I’m such a horrible parent.
It started right from day dot when I was lying my arse off to the doctors so they’d let me take him home. And then there was the time I forgot the Toothfairy and then made up some bullshit for the Small Child in the morning telling him we were supposed to email the Toothfairy so they’d know to come visit. There was the time he was complaining of RSI in his thumbs after inadvertently being allowed to play too much Nintendo on the holidays. Then there was the day where I totally lost him and subsequently lost the plot as well. Then of course there is the special torture that is enrolling him in Catholic school when we’re not overly even remotely religious. Then there was the time we weren’t vigilant enough about exposing him to YouTube which had him sprouting about Menergy and Kenyans for two weeks solid. And of course there have been innumerable occasions where I’ve exposed him to our friends who don’t have a PG rating.
And after tonight we’ll be able to add to the list of my (real or imagined) parental infringements, my flat refusal to participate in something that involves 1) red and green clothing ‘preferably something Christmassy’ and 2) the singing of Christmas carols by small talentless children. Why? Well because Christmas Carolling doesn’t even remotely resemble something of whimsical Dickensian tradition – to me it’s more like being forced to sit through Chinese opera performed by mating possums.
Please I don’t want to go… you can’t make me!!! It’s bad enough that we have to do things like enter elevators and shopping centres around Christmas time where we involuntarily have Christmas carols inflicted upon us. I see no reason why we should exacerbate the situation by voluntarily participating in carolling ourselves (shudder) . You know forced exposure to Christmas Carols should constitutes a human rights violation… or at the very least… be considered cruel and unusual punishment of some sort.
Sigh… but thank you Mr K… you’re a Prince among men for taking the Small Child to the Carols by Candlelight tonight. Why, Im sure taking your children to something like this is tantamount to being there for dance recitals! So I bet there’ll be no goats on the internets in the Small Child’s immediate future and that’s all thanks to you Daddy!
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