I’m part way through watching a movie called ‘Then She Found Me’ with Helen Hunt, Colin Firth, Matthew Broderick and Bette Midler in it. It seems fairly run of the mill kinda drama that you just know is going to work out sweet for everyone – cos that sort of sappy movie always does. I’m just over half way into the story and the main character is having an ultrasound at around 10 weeks of a much wanted pregnancy…. and I’m looking at the screen and even from just the quick glance they included in the shot I could tell that she was about to be told by the OB/GYN that the pregnancy had spontaneously aborted (miscarriage) and… well I had to turn it off. 😐
It seems like every time I think I’m over this shit and I push it to the back of my mind .. something comes along to throw it right up front and center again. Am I EVER going to be able to be exposed to these sorts of things and not have an emotional reaction to it? It’s been shit nearly two and a half years since I had my last IVF procedure and since the car accident last November I have had to come to confront the dreadful realization that I am in no physical condition (between the massive increase in daily pain and the ridiculous amounts of medication that I’m on) to be able to carry a baby to term even if I were to able to achieve a viable pregnancy.
This is fucked…. why won’t it just go away.
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