I feel like I don’t have the vocab to express how distressed i have been. It’s like I am sitting in a corner and struggling to hold it together. And I find it extremely difficult to tell the people around me what’s going on in my head, in my body. It’s almost like I don’t trust them enough to let them in and see this messy me.
I honestly feel like i don’t want to be here.. in my skin.. in pain… in this life. I don’t want to be this person. i hate it. I’ve been in some pain for the last 16 years and since this last accident I am now I’m in so much pain I can’t handle it. I’m going to the pain clinic tomorrow. This will be the third time at one of these ‘adjustment to injury’ programs.
They’re going to spend three weeks trying to convince me that this is just my life now and i have to get used to it. The prospect of which is exhausting because I’ve done this once before and it takes years… literally years and I don’t know if I can do it again.