Things on the family front have been really ordinary for the last few months. I have avoided writing about it here, as I have no desire to dwell on it (unlike my self indulgent IVF depression when I started this journal). My Dad is, as expected, in a really bad way. He has some bipap machine thing to use at night to assist him with his breathing, and has now lost his voice entirely. I wish to God they had invested more time and energy on figuring out the best way to communicate with him before now, but I guess in some ways, Mum and Dad (and us too I guess) were trying to deny the eventuality of his condition. Mum has developed this terrible habit of leaving when any of us come to visit – like running up to the shops to the pharmacy or something. Which really sucks, cos being with Dad alone and no one to talk to ‘around him’ is extremely difficult. Makes you not want to go visit – and then I feel extremely guilty for not wanting to go visit. The whole thing is absolyte shite and so stressful that I just wish it were over already. I am exhausted with crying about it, and seem to find myself crying about it nearly every day at some point.
